Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
