last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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