please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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