it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
