My nipple is on Facebook.
"it" just moved
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
