I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
