your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
