Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
