worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
third nipple confirmed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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