I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
