I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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