If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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