when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
