And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
