i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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