She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
