i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
