wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
