I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
