UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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