I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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