the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
