the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can text with my tongue
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize