If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize