I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
