how can u be prego again
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
