oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
