They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
