I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
