I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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