Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drake has all the answers
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
