Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
