Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
