my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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