Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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