it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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