I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drake has all the answers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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