If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
