The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
