Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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