i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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