sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He? As in you personified your dick?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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