He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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