My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
