I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They took my balls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
