So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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