So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
