Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
