O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
