Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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