I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
