I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
