First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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