I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
