I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
