I just threw up on my dentist
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
