every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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