You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
