fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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