I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
