I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
