Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize