Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My pussy is not your playground.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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