he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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