How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
