he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
