so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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