im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
