This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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